Auntie G wrote:Let me just bust it on out and say that for me the additction is men, and yes I know it sounds bad but from what I have been reading on this site, it's all about the real, and for me, this is the real so I hope maybe this will help me, or someone else to admit to their weaknesses and begin to change ourselves.
I guess one of the first questions someone would ask me is if I go to church, are you saved?, my answer would be yes to both, and believe me nobody knows like God how I struggle with this "addiction". I'm so sure I'm not the only sista trying to get a grip on this and maybe I should clear up an assumption, I'm not whorish, I don't have men here and there and I'm not sleeping with this one and that one and definately not anyones husband. My addiction begins to kick in when there is not a man in my life and lonliness and just the desire not so much as to have sex, but just to have someone in my life to share a day, a meal, or a movie, someone to care for me.
When I do meet a man I tend to get too involved too quick, and of course one thing leads to another and before long we are in bed and then there I am asking for forgiveness and feeling like a dog. I tend to stop seeing the man after this because I know they will expect what they were able to do before I mean why not?
I honestly struggle with this and I pray that God will give me strenght to overcome my flesh.
As you may have noticed Auntie G, I conveniently skirted by this topic, because I don’t know if I can go here. Not that I don’t have issues, but rather, it’s because I have soooo many of them! LOL! You brought up something that I have dealt with all of my life, and I know that many other women, if they were honest, would admit that they too have had a compulsive desire for the opposite sex, or for sex, period! In my own limited knowledge I would define an addiction as something that one has an overwhelming, uncontrollable desire and compulsion to do. Addictions don’t necessarily have to be bad – when they are those that do not involve self- destructive, or destructive behavior. If you are not harming yourself, or others, what is the real problem? You could be addicted to doing positive things for other people – you could always be driven to give encouragement or assistance to others no matter what the circumstance or situation. I have always heard that anything done in moderation is alright. However, this is not what we are talking about, is it? Our issue is that at times we have been driven to seek companionship, if only for a temporary time, because we felt an intense need not to be alone. As shameful as it is to admit, I have been with more men than the Lord allows! Many will tell you that addictions are merely symptomatic of an underlying issue that has not yet been resolved. Many times, if you are an “Oprah” watcher, she will say that her troublesome food addiction is merely a substitute for something else. She ain’t necessarily hungry for food, but all I’m saying is that eating 12 biscuits may mean that you really wish you were doing something else! I think it is the same thing with men, compulsive spending, drug habits, and yes, my all time favorite . . . gambling. When I was gambling real bad, I know it was because I was unhappy deep inside. I thought it was because I was lonely, and perhaps it was. When I was gambling I didn’t think about my loneliness, but I didn’t necessarily talk to anyone while I was doing it either. The gambling became a substitute for companionship, and then I could care less whether I had a man or not.
If we look deeper, we may notice that there are some real feelings of sadness, guilt, remorse, disappointment, unforgiveness, and even anger that lies beneath our desires that we may not have dealt with - yet. Often, we don’t know that they are there because we thought that they were dealt with years ago. It’s just something that is buried deep within. That’s what a good therapist will tell you, and Lord knows, I have needed one from time to time. No man can take this away, I don’t care how fine he is, or how good in bed he is. Even though he is there, feeling good, and looking good, when he leaves, here comes that feeling of despair and guilt again.
Just having a man in my life, in my arms, in my bed, or somewhere close to me meant that I was worthy. His companionship validated my sense of self-esteem, and self-worth. Without a man, I felt like I was empty, and void, unattractive, and less than a woman. This is real. But, it took years before I started to unravel this truth. I didn’t know how deep it went. It went back years to when I was young, and I was violated as a young girl. It went back to the core of my being, and until and unless you are willing to go there, you may not realize just what is the driving force behind some of these issues.
I could be wrong, Auntie G, but I don’t think from what you have written that you are really addicted per se to men. Because if you were, you would drag any kind of old man home, just for the sake of having a man! I don’t get this from what you have written. As long as you do not allow yourself to be abused and purposely mistreated and disrespected, I think it is perfectly natural for a woman to want to be loved, to be held, and to be treated as a woman – even if only for one night. I think also, however, that because you are a woman of faith, your religious beliefs and upbringing are obviously contrary to your desires. Our faith teaches us that as single women, we should and must, wait on the man that God will bring into our life as our husband before we engage in an intimate relationship. We are strongly admonished to abstain from giving ourselves in this manner because of the intimate nature of sex. This admonishment is given because the two become one. Not only this, but every person that we allow ourselves to become intimate with has a spirit that comes with them. When we engage in physically intimate relationships, spiritual danger may be imminent because we open ourselves up to that spirit. But, I don’t have to tell you this. The flesh wants what the flesh wants. This is the carnal part of us which is always contrary to the word and the will of God. The flesh is weak, and the spiritual’ part of us is always contradicting the carnal part of us. That is why the scriptures say in Romans, that the carnal mind is at enmity against God (Romans 8:7). This will not cease, I don’t care how much you pray, shout, and speak in tongues! Apostle Paul spoke of the “thorn in his flesh,” and the fact remains that three times he besought the Lord to remove it. I don’t recall that he ever did, but God said, “my grace is sufficient for thee – for my strength is made perfect in weakness,” (II Corinthians 12:9). But God – that is all that I can say, Auntie G. I thank Him for His grace, and I thank Him for mercy!!! There is now therefore, NO condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesus! He is not holding these weaknesses against us – we are! He knows the thoughts, desires, and the intents of our hearts, and we die daily, by continually trying to put off “the old man” and put on the new. Every day, throughout every situation and trial we are faced with, we wail, and cry out to God, and ask for strength to overcome, and this is what God is looking at more than anything. It is in our brokenness, our imperfections and in our weaknesses, and in our trials that He is revealed ever the more to us. So, don’t feel bad girl, don’t feel alone. You are in GOOD company!!! As Christians, we strive to be more like Him. And, you are doing just that, Auntie G. You are no different than me, or anyone else that I know. We are all just trying to be what God would have us to be. He didn’t say that it was going to be easy. As a matter of fact my Sista, he knew that it would be quite difficult – that is why Jesus went to the cross and died – just for us!
Just let me end here by saying, God knows right where you are. He has heard your prayers, and he has seen your struggles. Your prayers will not return void. Keep your head up, keep your faith, and just keep on looking to God, your Father, for strength to overcome. In due season, you shall reap, if you faint not!
Sun Aug 22, 2010 1:16 am by CassandraDesiree<3
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