Who is That Sista in the Mirror?

You receive all the emails from friends that tell you that you are loved, and that you’re a beautiful woman, you hear in church and read in the Word that you are special, you’re blessed, and gifted. Your wardrobe is on point, and you’re told often how nice you look. Men give you the “Girl you are lookin good” look, and you get plenty of play, but to you, it could all be so much better, smaller this, and bigger that. If only I could……

Question:

We are never satisfied. Of course if you’re over weight you should take note and loose a few pounds, if things look a bit loose, hit the gym, or put on that DVD and get it tight. There is nothing wrong with improvement, but how do we begin to look on the inside and begin to tighten up our self esteem, and see our own worth? What about our inner beauty?

I think that loving yourself is one of the hardest things to do. With all the influence that comes from television, magazines, books, and friends and family learning to love yourself takes a back seat to what others think you should be and how you should look. When you grow up being teased about your big lips, big nose, fat face, dark skin or light skin you begin to believe that you need to make some changes - changes that will make you acceptable to the people that are talking about you. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience. Standing in the mirror and telling yourself that "you are beautiful" or "you are special" may sound silly, but the more you begin to counteract the things that tear down your self-esteem by reinforcing the wonderful things about yourself, the more you will allow your inner beauty to shine through. I'm still practicing and I'm learning to love me will all of my imperfections.

I do agree that there was a time when things were very different and women had to bear a burden without showing the weight and keep it moving all at the same time. But today women young and old have so many different elements of life to deal with, so many issues that maybe you did not, and that is not to say that yours was not hard, I'm sure they were, and I have nothing but respect for you and women that have gone before me. What I'm saying is that young women today do have issues to deal with that cause their fears and insecurities to multiply. I guess overall people are so much meanier than they use to be, they do such hurtful, intentionally emotionally damaging things to other people, and when these young ladies get themselves involved in situations sometimes they just end up getting a lot more than they bargained for and they end up paying emotionally for a long time to come.
Other times the hurt and doubt of self comes from the kids they go to school with, kids are very very mean in schools and the damage they do lasts a long long time.
Then there's your own family that sometimes just treats some members different than others, one is smarter, and they are just so proud and just always talk about that one, and never about the other.
So many ways, so maybe it's not that women today are weak, things are just so different now.

For so many different reasons, we really are never satisified, it's simple and it's true. Think about it. How many times do we get what we say that we want so badly, and once it's ours, we find something else, something newer, something better, that we feel will serve our purpose. Is that a self esteem issue or is it this no good flesh that continually wants more? The word of God speaks of the flesh being no good, as well as of the desires of the flesh and it's continous want for more of that which feels good. (I'm not sure of the exact scripture but I know it's there) Although I'm not one of the sistas that can profess it, there are those that have the desired body "to die for", looks good in the little dresses, the tight jeans, the super high heels...all that and just as the scenario says, they still want more, or bigger this or that. I'm just not sure that it's a self esteem issue.
As far as seeing our own worth, for most of us, that's only going to come when we begin to talk we to each other and support each other the way we do here.

garden granny wrote:Perhaps I'm a little older than some of the sistas on the site, (maybe not) but to me, women are simply outright confused. See, there was once a time that women were told to "Suck it up, stop all that crying and be strong and raise your kids, and make sure your man knows you're there for him, and girl stop all that nonsense" That's what was said when someone started to talk about being insecure and not knowing who they were. Now it seems, and sistas I know this is going to seem a bit harsh but don't take offense, it's just the truth. Now sistas are just weak. Every time you turn around they breakin down and fallin out because a man has left or a child is acting up, they just can't take it anymore!, Oh please, now sistas don't know who they are and they need help from folks that don't even know you to tell you that you are worth something.
Think about that for one minute. Sistas I know that sometimes it takes someone else to put something to you that you have not heard, and thank God for this site because that don't stop at any age, but girl let me tell you, if you are still breathing the breathe of life in and out of your nose, then God has decided that you are worth something, and that be the case, honey you may as well go on and shout about it too, because no matter if you are fat or skinny, if you got pimpples all over your face, or your skin is as smoothe as silk, if God has saw fit to allow you another day, it really don't matter who don't like it.
Now I know some of ya'll are going to come back with your famous, oh you don't understand, and you're right, I don't, because you can buy all the weight watchers you want to, and if you want to eat, guess what? you are going to eat, and after you jump around and sweat your hair back, if you don't keep on doing it, guess what?, you are still going to be fat if you don't keep on doing it, so why not just go on and ask God to help you with all that stuff at one time, and then just keep on doing that too!

Garden Granny, you just made my day! I love your spirit! Your "right now" words of wisdom are just what the Sistas need to hear! Today, we are so busy whining and complaining about what we don't have, how better we wished we looked, or how much more money we wished we had, that we are forgetting to acknowledge the goodness that God has showered upon us each and every day. It's just the simple things in life that matter. It's not all that glamour, or money that really count. It's not how many men are whistling at you when you walk down the street, it's not even about how many friends you have following you on Twitter, or Facebook -- it's about living your days and your life to the fullest! Each and every day, with all of our flaws in our flesh, we must learn how to appreciate own selves for who and for what we are, God's divine creation! You were wonderfully, and fearfully made. God didn't make no mistakes when he made you, and he didn't make no junk! Television, and the media will fill our minds with all this stuff about who and what we should be to be happy. But, let me tell you, if you are not happy with you, just as you are, inside and out -- all the cosmetic surgery, and botox, ain't gon' help you! Look up and live -- life is too short to be wasted on nonsense like putting yourself down cause you wishing that you looked like "Halle Berry!" Even Halle Berry probably wishing she looked like somebody else. You can't trust the media and man's fickle perceptions of who you are supposed to be. Learn how to trust that God is the ultimate authority on all things. He made you for a divine reason, looks and all. I wake up everyday and give him the glory, and when I look at myself in the mirror, I see my grey hair creeping in like little wiry lines all through my once almost jet black hair, and I see my widening hips and my "chins," and my rolls and rolls, and their rolls, and I smile! I just smile, cause I'm loving all that I am, and appreciating each and every day that God sends my way. You can't be no punks and make it in this world. You got to learn how to "suck it up, like Garden Granny said! I love ya'll. Here's hoping you "Love me back, and Love yourself!" Holla!

I have read all of the posts on this subject, and everyone made a point some where in their writings that I agree with. The one that sticks out the most is what Garden Granny wrote, about sucking it up and be grateful for each day God has giving you and me. However I can't help but want for more. Now I am not wanting a mansion, or an over flowing bank account, or even the number one hottest body that is posted all over the magazines. However I do have small insecuritys that hold me back, and make me wish when I look in a mirror. They are minor and no one probably notices but me, but that is all it takes for me to wish they were better. They are also things that can only be changed by me coming up with a massive amount of money at one time. I use to have a Beautiful smile and all adored
it when I was young, no I don't even like to show my teeth when I smile. BUT I do, and I try to embrace my imperfections. I am over weight, and wish I could be smaller. BUT I know only I can change that, and honestly if we were all suppose to have perfect bodies we would have been born with them, each and every one of us! So I choose to embrace that. I try to teach my daughter to eat right and take care of her teeth, so she never has the issues I do. BUT I also teach to be understanding to others who fall less than being perfect.
SO, I say all this to answer the question. IS that me looking at me in the mirror? YES! Yes, it is, and it is what I am suppose to see or else I would be looking at someone else. God made each one of us different and he did that with what we Christians call " His perfect plan". And he has one for each and everyone of us! So you can better yourself, in smarts, looks, and personality, but you were not designed to look or be perfect. At some point you must except who you are and be happy with that, because God is! Holla