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    I Wouldn't Mind But...

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    two sisters
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    I Wouldn't Mind But...

    Post  two sisters on Mon May 10, 2010 1:04 pm

    Have you ever thought to yourself, “I wouldn’t mind them coming over, but they let their kids run all over the place and I don’t want my place destroyed.” The minute you all sit down to chat, the kids start touching things and going into the bedrooms and the parent(s) act like they’re invisible.

    Question:

    Do you deal with their kids while they watch? How do you handle the situation if they become offended?
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    cesjkids

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    I'll come visit you

    Post  cesjkids on Mon May 10, 2010 9:23 pm

    When it comes to mothers and their children you have got to approach the situation with caution. I have had family and friends alike with children that I thought should have stayed at home but they came to my house. We'll try and have conversation but it's hard to hold a conversation when you have to keep interrupting to speak to someone else's children. I have learned that on many occasion I will opt to visit them rather than to have them visit me.
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    schoolgirl

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    Watch your kids

    Post  schoolgirl on Wed May 12, 2010 7:28 pm

    I'm the type of person that speaks my mind most of the time. I don't have a problem telling my friends to watch their kids when they come over to my house. When they're at their house they can do whatever they like but I don't want my house rearranged because of someone else's kids. If you don't want me to say anything to them then watch them yourself and you don't have to risk being offended.
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    Auntie G

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    Oh I would mind indeed

    Post  Auntie G on Thu May 13, 2010 7:51 pm

    Anyone that knows me and would come to my home knows, if your kids don't know how to act when they get there, they will when they leave, because oh heck no, they will not come into my little casa trippin'!
    Family or friend it really doesn't make any difference to me and really I'm not being mean, people will tear your stuff up and go on home and act like the little stuff they have is made of gold. I simply feel as though I am the only one working for what I have, and I respect it, so anyone coming to my home must do the same man, woman, or child.

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    Re: I Wouldn't Mind But...

    Post  Guest on Sat May 15, 2010 11:36 am

    This would very much depend on who it was.All of my close friends that come round make their children do as they are told.They are not allowed to run around and if they do she tells them not to and to sit down.Am really close to my friends so if they do something bad or something that I really disagree with I have her permition to tell them not to do so.
    Then again she always brings things for them to watch on tv and things for them to do so most off the time apart from the odd question and a snack you don't even know they are their.I love kids so they would have to do alot to get my cross.

    On the other hand my sister has her friend around with her kids all the time.They run around the house like a whirl wind.She never tells them off for making a mess or helps clean up after they have.My sister never says anything to her about them.I have to bite my tounge cause I so want to.What makes it worse is her little girl is like 7 and she should no better.I mean she not a baby.My three year old nephew makes less mess and knows how to tidy up better lol.
    When they last came the little girl went into my room when I was out and smashed something that meant so much to me.As they say something money cant buy or replace.It didn't cost much but it was my great nanas and I had kept it safe from the age of 10.I was so upset when I came home and it was broken.I was like get out of my room NOW.The little girls mum went mental at me for raiseing my voice and my sister took her side.Its not like I smacked her I would never smack any child.Not even my own when I have them.She didnt even cry so I cant have upset her that much.I mean why was she even in my room she isnt my responsability.
    She had the living room to play in where all my nephews toys are.She must have been gone for a while because all my stuff had been messed in.so why didnt they stop her? How did they not relise she had been gone for a while? They must have heard her Mad

    Her mum was very much offended by what I said and wanted me to say sorry and I was like for what.Its your little girl that should be saying sorry for breaking it.But in the end I said sorry for raising me voice.Didnt want a fuss! Waiting for a response back and her mum said it was an accident so she doesent have to say sorry.
    I was so mad accident or not you still say sorry.She hasent been for a while now and my sister goes to hers.I dont mind mess I mean if she had drawn on the walls or spilt something or just made a mess with toys I could have dealt with that no worries.Am used to that.Not saying its ok but children do things like that sometimes.It was the fact she had broken something and not said sorry.Manners cost nothing.!!!!!!!

    As for my sister, story of my life she never backs anything I do.Bloods thicker then water.
    I know accidents happen and I would of been fine.But I was so mad at how her mum had dealt with it.How is that teaching her right from wrong.!!!!!!
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    Sarah's Daughter

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    Train up a child in the way that they should go!

    Post  Sarah's Daughter on Sun May 16, 2010 7:28 pm

    Harmony wrote:This would very much depend on who it was.All of my close friends that come round make their children do as they are told.They are not allowed to run around and if they do she tells them not to and to sit down.Am really close to my friends so if they do something bad or something that I really disagree with I have her permition to tell them not to do so.
    Then again she always brings things for them to watch on tv and things for them to do so most off the time apart from the odd question and a snack you don't even know they are their.I love kids so they would have to do alot to get my cross.

    On the other hand my sister has her friend around with her kids all the time.They run around the house like a whirl wind.She never tells them off for making a mess or helps clean up after they have.My sister never says anything to her about them.I have to bite my tounge cause I so want to.What makes it worse is her little girl is like 7 and she should no better.I mean she not a baby.My three year old nephew makes less mess and knows how to tidy up better lol.
    When they last came the little girl went into my room when I was out and smashed something that meant so much to me.As they say something money cant buy or replace.It didn't cost much but it was my great nanas and I had kept it safe from the age of 10.I was so upset when I came home and it was broken.I was like get out of my room NOW.The little girls mum went mental at me for raiseing my voice and my sister took her side.Its not like I smacked her I would never smack any child.Not even my own when I have them.She didnt even cry so I cant have upset her that much.I mean why was she even in my room she isnt my responsability.
    She had the living room to play in where all my nephews toys are.She must have been gone for a while because all my stuff had been messed in.so why didnt they stop her? How did they not relise she had been gone for a while? They must have heard her Mad

    Her mum was very much offended by what I said and wanted me to say sorry and I was like for what.Its your little girl that should be saying sorry for breaking it.But in the end I said sorry for raising me voice.Didnt want a fuss! Waiting for a response back and her mum said it was an accident so she doesent have to say sorry.
    I was so mad accident or not you still say sorry.She hasent been for a while now and my sister goes to hers.I dont mind mess I mean if she had drawn on the walls or spilt something or just made a mess with toys I could have dealt with that no worries.Am used to that.Not saying its ok but children do things like that sometimes.It was the fact she had broken something and not said sorry.Manners cost nothing.!!!!!!!

    As for my sister, story of my life she never backs anything I do.Bloods thicker then water.
    I know accidents happen and I would of been fine.But I was so mad at how her mum had dealt with it.How is that teaching her right from wrong.!!!!!!

    You know Harmony, you are a good one. I don't know too many people with your patience, or understanding. I'm sorry, but I think that there are some people who simply do not value other people in the same way. They don't value nor respect other's feelings, or personal space or belongings. This is the reason that you have some parents that do not instill certain values in their children. They do not believe that some things are worth teaching. The scriptures tell us to "train up a child in the way that they should go, and when they are old, they will not depart." This is an admonishment for parents to be responsible for rearing the children in the proper behavior and etiquette, as well as in spiritual matters. Children are parents responsibility. You cannot fault a child for their behavior when clearly the parents have abdicated their role by allowing them to behave like they have no home training. When I was coming up, and I'm not that old, but I grew up in a time when you got your butt "whupped!" You knew that if you went over to Ms. "So and So's" house, you better get your butt in a chair somewhere, and don't move! We were taught to respect our home, and when we went out, we had better not bring embarassement to our parents. My parents teaching may seem outdated to many today, because I see that society frowns upon what they term: "corporal punishment." But, this is why there is no boundaries established anymore, and children do not know that they should have them. Parents are sending signals that anything goes! Children are simply "expressing" themselves, so let them be children! Well, if this is the lesson that you teach the children, you cannot then go back and expect them not to embarass you from time to time. I always told my children when they left my house with me going anywhere: "If you embarass me, I'm going to embarass you!" They knew that if we were out anywhere, and they started acting up, I was going to act up with them. I can say that this kept things in order. I could take them to my friend's house, and didn't have to worry about them being little terrors! Now, I have had friends that were just very ticky about their homes, no matter what. They really didn't like children being free in their homes, and so when I knew this, I didn't bring my children along. Often I got an upfront understanding, that if I brought my children, (cause they will insist . . . "no, it's alright, bring them! -- not wanting to seem unfriendly to children!) But, only if there is no other way around it do I give in because I'm already knowing that my children are not perfect, and they are not going to sit still like robots for hours on end. I had a friend though that wouldn't complain (openly), but you just knew that she really didn't want them at her house. (Some people are good at fronting). Sure, she had a beautiful home, and she went to great lengths to keep it that way. There is nothing wrong with this. I simply knew that this house was not "kid friendly," and so I would just leave mine at home. That woman that came to your house should have done the same, and I hope you let her know that there will be no more invitations for her or her untrained children, anytime soon.


    Last edited by Sarah's Daughter on Sat Jun 05, 2010 7:34 am; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Name change)
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    jlee

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    Re: I Wouldn't Mind But...

    Post  jlee on Mon May 17, 2010 9:30 pm

    As I was reading the posts on this subject I was reminded of what my mother use to tell me. She would say, "don't touch things that do not belong to you so that if it gets broke you don't have to pay for it." My sisters and I would be reminded of this before we left home to go shopping, to church, or visiting friends and family. I have friends that I chose to visit rather than having them visit me because I know that I don't want to have to say anything to them or their kids. Just like Alimarie wrote that the mom was offended after her daughther had broken something precious of hers. Sometimes it just not worth all the drama; its easier to visit them whenever possible.
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    missjohnniemae

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    My house, my rules

    Post  missjohnniemae on Tue May 18, 2010 9:15 pm

    It just seems to me like people are creeping around an issue that is pretty simple, if someone comes to my house anyone, friends, family, or foe. It is just like me going to theirs, I am on their turf, I play by their rules or I go home. If you come to my house, you play by my rules, or you go home it is as simple as that. You, your kids, your man, the dog, your moma, I mean everybody! I don't think it's unreasonable or rude, my house, my stuff.
    I'm just not the type to tip toe around an issue and not mention it if your kids are running around like animals, but, Oh I just love your company sooooo much that I'll allow it so you can stay. Oh heck no. Or like Alimarie, who seems to be very sweet, maybe a little too sweet for her own good, she should have taken that little treasure wrecker to her mother holding her little arm very tight and sat her down and asked very convincingly that she never, ever be allowed to roam the house unattended again, and if her mother seem to not understand she could have simply handed her the broken treasure and told her how she herself had managed to keep it from an early age but it had been destroyed by her daughter in a matter of minutes due to being unattended. I think it was Jlee that said she just goes to their homes instead of them coming to her home. I guess that would work too.
    I just say, my house, my rules.
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    CassandraDesiree<3

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    I agree with " My house, My rules"

    Post  CassandraDesiree<3 on Sat May 29, 2010 2:36 pm

    I read many if not all the posts on this topic, and agree more with the one titled "My house, My rules" Sorry I could not remember your name. But I agree with this 100% and live by this rule. It usually is a known fact to most of my friends. I talk and treat their children as I do my own. There is no way I would let them get away with something I don't even let my own children get away with. I also expect my friends to have my back when I am at their house. Now I am not saying I neglect my parenting duties when I go to their house, but if they see something that was done and I didn't and it needed addressing, I would expect them to talk to my children as they would their own! That is why all of my good friends are addressed as "Aunt" or in one case "Cucci" (pronounced chu-chi) and is Polish for aunt. This is done out of respect as well as seeing them as family and authority. I in return am called "Aunt".
    So to concluded I would never just sit around while someones child wrecked or misbehaved at my home, and was not dealt with accordingly by their parents. I would step up and say something to not only the child but the parent as well, so maybe the next visit would go more smoothly!
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    missjohnniemae

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    Amen girl!

    Post  missjohnniemae on Sun May 30, 2010 3:40 pm

    That's right! All this tip toeing around the subject and trying not to hurt anyones feelings is just not working.
    There use to be a saying used to my knowledge only in the black communities, but should be used in all communities. "Each one, teach one" If each one of us taught another mother, child, daughter, son, or father a right way, we would all be better.

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