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    Crossing Boundaries

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    two sisters
    Admin

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    Crossing Boundaries

    Post  two sisters on Fri Apr 09, 2010 8:19 pm

    It’s been a couple of years now since you last seen your high school friend. You both catch up on the latest events and exchange laughter and tears. Things are going quite well; you’re practically inseparable. One day while out together, you run into an old friend that she use to date. She’s made it very clear that she has moved on when speaking about male friends from her past. You all strike up a conversation that eventually ends up with you and him sharing several things in common. He tells you he enjoyed your company and asks for your number. He tells you that he would like to call you and definitely see you again.

    Question:

    Are there boundary lines when it comes to dating or even casually seeing one of your friend’s ex’s? How might you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?
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    schoolgirl

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    Fair Game

    Post  schoolgirl on Sun Apr 11, 2010 4:43 pm

    Ex means just that, "X". If my friend have expressed to me that she has no dealings with or feelings for her ex, I believe that he is now fair game. I know for me, that once the relationship is over and he becomes my ex, I don't care who get with him.
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    garden granny

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    A simple rule

    Post  garden granny on Fri Apr 16, 2010 7:52 pm

    The name certainly fits you sista schoolgirl, you are obviously just a girl. Honey let me give you a little ol' school rule, you never, I don't care what she said and how long it had been you never had dealings with your girls ex! See sistas like you will talk all that mess about "I don't care who get with him" and the next thing you know you will see one of your friends with your ex man working it out like you couldn't or wouldn't, and you will be the first to want to try to act a fool. Honey take some advice from a sista that has been on both sides of that fence, there's enough men out here for you to never ever have to end up with a man your girl already had.
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    tina29

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    I have to agree

    Post  tina29 on Fri Apr 16, 2010 8:37 pm

    I have to agree with Schoolgirl. I don't see anything wrong with talking to a girlfriend's "ex" if there clearly is nothing left between them. Let's say it's been two years since their relationship ended. I don't think that I should rule him out as an option. I kinda of think of it like being divorced. Divorced people have the right to date who ever they please once they are free so what's the difference? I don't forsee anyone dating my "ex" as a problem and I don't have a problem dating an "ex."
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    Sarah's Daughter

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    Some Rules Never Change . . .

    Post  Sarah's Daughter on Fri Apr 16, 2010 10:07 pm

    garden granny wrote:The name certainly fits you sista schoolgirl, you are obviously just a girl. Honey let me give you a little ol' school rule, you never, I don't care what she said and how long it had been you never had dealings with your girls ex! See sistas like you will talk all that mess about "I don't care who get with him" and the next thing you know you will see one of your friends with your ex man working it out like you couldn't or wouldn't, and you will be the first to want to try to act a fool. Honey take some advice from a sista that has been on both sides of that fence, there's enough men out here for you to never ever have to end up with a man your girl already had.


    Garden Granny, I’ve got to give it to you . . . you were right on in this response. I have to say that I totally agree with you on this one. It is a very sticky area, and potential problem situation to become involved in a relationship, or to date someone that was once closely tied to your close Sista, and girlfriend. I don’t care what she says. She may hate his natural guts,(now), but this is not neutral territory. This is one of those grey areas that is sacred ground, so to speak. It’s like wearing an outfit that used to belong to your girlfriend. She may not be able to wear it anymore. She may have grown two sizes since she last wore it. She may have offered or given it to you as a gesture of kindness. However, it is not uncommon that the moment that you wear it out, and she sees you with that outfit on, and how nicely it fits you . . . there is this unsettling, underlying, yet unspoken tension that lingers in the air. She may be secretly thinking to herself, “now, self -- why did I give that dress to her?” Here you are all cute, and unaware of the feelings developing because of that dress. You thought she was sincere, and perhaps, she did too. However, she didn’t realize the feelings that would be conjured up within her once she saw you with it on. You may say, and rightly so, well, that is just her problem. It’s a personal problem that she will just have to deal with. She should grow up and just get over it. Again, these are just words, easy to say, but hard to live by.

    Personally, I would never date a man that my friend has previously dated. Likewise, I don’t want any of my so-called friends to date any of my ex’s either. The truth is just the truth anyhow!! LOL! I learned the hard way that this is always an area very much taboo between Sistas. Like Garden Granny said, there is much more at stake than meets the eye. Better to choose someone else out of the vast pool of available men, rather than risk causing problems where there doesn’t have to be.
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    cesjkids

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    That's a no no

    Post  cesjkids on Sun Apr 18, 2010 10:06 pm

    I guess my question is how does the ex-boyfriend really feel about you? Although it may have been some time since the relationship between your girlfriend and her ex has been over, the sheer fact that he knows you both are friends makes me ask that question. Personally, I would not date my friend's ex because I have enough respect for myself not to do so. Whether his feeling are true or not, dating your friends ex is like dating your sister's ex and that's a no no.

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