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    Sacrifices

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    two sisters
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    Sacrifices

    Post  two sisters on Wed Mar 17, 2010 11:20 pm

    In life we all make choices and sacrifices. Sometimes for the things we “want”, and sometimes for the things we “need”. A sacrifice results in a loss, you give up something to gain something else. Sometimes it’s just temporary and sometimes it’s permanent. You add children to the equation and you up the ante. Results can be wonderful, or they can be devastating.

    Question:

    This one is going to be a little difficult, there’s so much that can be shared.
    Try to briefly share a sacrifice you chose to make and the results, good or bad.
    Sista’s need to hear both sides of the stories.
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    jlee

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    Re: Sacrifices

    Post  jlee on Wed Mar 17, 2010 11:26 pm

    To make a long story short, I was in the process of losing my house due to more month than money. Subsequently, everything and I do mean everything got so far behind that there was no way possible I could keep on making the house note. My decision to let my house go was a hard one but I felt it was the best possible decision for me and my children. After making the sacrifice to give up my house, help came along making it possible for me to keep it. The payments are bearable but the sacrifice to stay in it after everything has gone into hawk is what I would call a better sweet sacrifice.
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    Sarah's Daughter

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    Sacrifices

    Post  Sarah's Daughter on Thu Apr 01, 2010 9:19 am

    two sisters wrote:In life we all make choices and sacrifices. Sometimes for the things we “want”, and sometimes for the things we “need”. A sacrifice results in a loss, you give up something to gain something else. Sometimes it’s just temporary and sometimes it’s permanent. You add children to the equation and you up the ante. Results can be wonderful, or they can be devastating.

    Question:

    This one is going to be a little difficult, there’s so much that can be shared.
    Try to briefly share a sacrifice you chose to make and the results, good or bad.
    Sista’s need to hear both sides of the stories.

    This is really a touchy subject with me and I don't know if I can go here! It really is because of the personal struggles that I have gone through, and continually go through with my children, and family. It seems that all of my life since they have been in existence, I have given and I have made many personal sacrifices to make their life better. From the seemingly small things like waiting until all have eaten and gotten sufficiently filled before I even fix my own plate at dinner -- to paying for the little things and small luxuries they desire, cable tv, amusement parks, trips, clothes, PSP's, Playstation 3's, . . .cars . . . furniture . . . rather than paying a bill. The sacrifices have been ongoing as far back as I can remember, and totally unappreciated, and unnoticed. As they have grown, so has the list! It's as if I owe them -- or so they think! I have four children. Three girls, and one son, ages 26 through 14. I was a single parent for much of their life, and the financial struggles were enormous. Children just want what they want, we all know that -- they don't know what you have to go through to get it done. They whine, complain, cry, and make you feel like life is not worth living unless they have this or that. I wanted to see them smile. I wanted to be the one that made them happy! Call it guilt, call it stupidity, call it over compensation, but I wanted to be validated and hold the "supermom" title and the thrill of being held in high esteem! Then, they grow up, and tell you to your face, "you never did nothing for me!" You weren't there, when I needed you!" I can only think to myself, so if I wasn't there, where was I, on Mars, or the Moon? I only had you on my mind every waking minute of the day! I only wanted everything that life could give you and then some. I only begged, borrowed, and damn near stole to keep you happy, safe and secure. If I wasn't there, making daily sacrifices for you, putting your needs before my own, where was I?

    Almost two years ago, I realized that my then 81 year old paternal grandmother needed me to come back home to help her. My father, her only son, now deceased, would have wanted me to, after all, I'm the responsible one in the family right? Well, I lived in California, and she lived in my home town of Chicago, IL. Gainfully employed almost 8 years, the choice to move back home was a ginormous sacrifice to even consider. I loved my job (with benefits, and annual raises), it was the best job I had ever held. I loved my new life, I loved my friends, but, I loved my grandmother more. She needed me, didn't she? After all, she is 81 years old, living alone, and subject to elder abuse, scams, and all sorts of financial predators. People were forever taking advantage of this seemingly nice old lady, always saying, "God bless you!" She doesn't know this of course, because she is soooo independent. She's so strong, and has always been the rock of our family. She doesn't feel as if she needs anyone's help. But, I, being torn by my love for my new life, and my sense of duty and honor to my grandmother, and family, I pull down all my retirement money, and move back home anyway, in with her, with my husband, and my two teenaged children, to care for grandma . . . or so I thought. Lord, why? This was the most difficult sacrifice I could have ever made. Coming back home to what? The job market was at an all time low. Crime, drugs, chaos, economic depravity, and decay -- the same ghetto fabulous mess I had left 14 years prior were still going on, and worse. But to top it all off, grandma resented me being here deep in side, and made no hesitation in letting me know. She resented the intrusion. She thought I came home to take over. She told me one day in the heat of the moment, that "I was just waiting for her to die!" (Of course, so I could inherit all her millions . . . right?) She felt that my being here meant that she was incapable of doing things on her own. She didn't want, nor appreciate my help -- failing to see the advantage of someone working diligently to modify her ridiculously high, three time refinanced, 50-year,7.91-14% interest/balloonable adjustable rate mortgage. Didn't appreciate nor see the advantage of having a dedicated, sincere, advocate to intercede on her behalf with creditors, lendors, and or clean the clutter in her house accumulated over the years. The reality is that what I did, I did out of love for her. I gave up my own personal interests, my life in California, and my job that I loved, to give back to someone that I cherished. I came back to make a difference, and to make her happy. The sacrifices are enormous, but I realized that deep inside, I did it for me. It was important for me to be the giver. Some things never change, or do they?
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    THIS IS MISS HILL

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    My God Girl you said a mouthful....

    Post  THIS IS MISS HILL on Thu Apr 01, 2010 9:04 pm

    Sista athompson indeed said a mouthful, so many places to say AMEN....you know how some preachers say, now that's a good place to say AMEN....well, AMEN athompson!
    I learned something on today about sacrafices we are "required" to make. God required me today to make a sacrifice on behalf of a brother that was going through a difficult time. The brother called me this morning and we spoke for just a moment and immediately upon hanging up from him, God gave me this brothers burden to bear, I don't know if you sistas know what I'm talking about or if you ever heard of someone being able to feel literially, the burden of someone else. For a time I felt the pain this brother is carrying...blew me away! This was a level of God I had not experienced before, and I must admit that my first reaction was that I didn't "want" to feel what I was feeling, but with the help of my sista (and once again God allowed me to have her at my side to help me through this, I am so incredibily thankful for her) I realized that my temporary discompfort was his blessing. It took me a minute to get there but I interceeded for this brother, called him back and gave him the word God gave me and just like the burden came, it left.
    I said all that to say that there is a sacrifice worth the suffering, and when you're chosen by God to be the bearer, what better sacrifice? My word of advice would be to be greatful for the opportunity to make a sacrifice, be it for your family, or someone you bearly know. Life lived will bring the requirement of sacrifice, making them teaches you lessons you will neer othewise learn. Were it not for sacrifices made for us, we would not be able to be, let alone have what we do today, and ofcourse there is the ultimate sacrifice Jesus made in giving his life for us, how dare we complain!
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    Sarah's Daughter

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    Sacrifices - This Is Miss Hill

    Post  Sarah's Daughter on Fri Apr 02, 2010 12:01 am

    THIS IS MISS HILL wrote:Sista athompson indeed said a mouthful, so many places to say AMEN....you know how some preachers say, now that's a good place to say AMEN....well, AMEN athompson!
    I learned something on today about sacrafices we are "required" to make. God required me today to make a sacrifice on behalf of a brother that was going through a difficult time. The brother called me this morning and we spoke for just a moment and immediately upon hanging up from him, God gave me this brothers burden to bear, I don't know if you sistas know what I'm talking about or if you ever heard of someone being able to feel literially, the burden of someone else. For a time I felt the pain this brother is carrying...blew me away! This was a level of God I had not experienced before, and I must admit that my first reaction was that I didn't "want" to feel what I was feeling, but with the help of my sista (and once again God allowed me to have her at my side to help me through this, I am so incredibily thankful for her) I realized that my temporary discompfort was his blessing. It took me a minute to get there but I interceeded for this brother, called him back and gave him the word God gave me and just like the burden came, it left.
    I said all that to say that there is a sacrifice worth the suffering, and when you're chosen by God to be the bearer, what better sacrifice? My word of advice would be to be greatful for the opportunity to make a sacrifice, be it for your family, or someone you bearly know. Life lived will bring the requirement of sacrifice, making them teaches you lessons you will neer othewise learn. Were it not for sacrifices made for us, we would not be able to be, let alone have what we do today, and ofcourse there is the ultimate sacrifice Jesus made in giving his life for us, how dare we complain!

    Oh, boy! Miss Hill, that was a "right now" word! You said something that struck me at the very core of my being! Even though I thought I was the one making the huge sacrifices, the lessons I could not have paid for in a lifetime, were definitely mine to learn.

    You said in part: [quote]"there is a sacrifice worth the suffering, and when you're chosen by God to be the bearer, what better sacrifice? My word of advice would be to be greatful for the opportunity to make a sacrifice, be it for your family, or someone you bearly know. Life lived will bring the requirement of sacrifice, making them teaches you lessons you will neer othewise learn."

    When I think back, prior to the move back to Chicago, it truly was God that kept telling me that this was the right thing to do. Of course I wanted to be obedient, but it was such a great sacrifice. I kept looking for a way out, but I didn't want to be disobedient, anymore. When I tried to run from it, and opt out, things started unraveling, fast. I felt like Jonah before he got thrown in the water, and swallowed by the whale! All I can say is: You better be careful when you tell God that you are ready to be used by Him, because when he called me on it, I was like, "you have got to be kidding!" But, -- there is a blessing in the lesson! I have learned more from this experience than I could have ever bargained for. Truly, I have found that it is through great adversity, and discomfort that we grow. There is wisdom in the scripture that says: "to whom much is given, much is required." This is so true. When you are chosen for an assignment, you must first be prepared for the journey. Through this humbling experience, I realized that it was more for me and my benefit than anyone else. I discovered that there were things that had to be dealt with, (inside of me), and issues to be overcome. I learned how to be truly humble, and submissive, biting my tongue, when I wanted to chew it off! But, most importantly, things are often not what they appear to be. God uses people and circumstances to develop our character, and make us into the people that he has destined us to be. I used to sing this song, "I'll go, I'll go, if the Lord -- needs somebody, here am I, send me, I'll go!" Ooooh, those words have really come back to bite me in the butt! Yes, I said I would go alright, but I had no idea where I was going!!!

    Now, I am in a position of submission where he truly has my undivided attention. I am being primed and readied like an unfinished wall before being painted -- prepared and trained now to listen for instructions. Oddly, through this situation, I had to take a long, hard look at myself, from the inside out. I had to re-examine my true underlying motives, and try to understand why certain things are the way that they are. Well, I don't have all the answers, but the main thing is that I have learned to wait on God, and to stay in constant prayer. I am at least listening . . . I truly believe that this is the best position to be in because it demonstrates my faith and committment to fulfilling the task at hand, and also my willingness to learn.

    Finally, I know, without a doubt that God is not through with me yet. He knows right where I am, and He is making me ready for the journey. Through personal sacrifice to others and obedience to God, I am learning that it's never been about me, not really. It's always been about Him. You are so right Miss Hill. You are so right! Thank you so much for sharing!
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    Auntie G

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    I guess I'm just going through........

    Post  Auntie G on Sun Apr 25, 2010 12:49 pm

    I'm sure I don't need to tell you sistas that God just never ceases to amaze me. He does something new each and everyday to just make my mouth hang open, sometimes in awe and sometimes in "Oh no you didn't", because ya'll know He will do some things that will make you say, "Oh no you didn't", Can I get a Amen?
    Sistas have you ever been in a space where you just appear, and I say "appear" because it is just that, the appearance of. You appear to be stuck? Absolutely stuck, you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, you're tired of it all, waiting, praying, reading, knowing, talking, listening, and it appears that God is not there. What does this have to do with sacrifice? Well is it not a sacrifice to wait? Is it not a sacrifice to praise when you really just want to sit down and cry? Is it not a sacrifice to keep on going when you have the enemy sitting on your shoulder not just tapping you, but knocking you all up side your head telling you to move, get up and go, when you know you should stay, be still, and listen for the voice of the Lord? You see, in church the sistas seem to want us to think that they always look like they do on sundays, that they always smile, and they always pray like the sky is falling and their faith never ever falters. I'm simply here to say that through all my blessings and all the doors God has opened in my life, this road of salvation yet has times when the process of growth and elevation in Christ is painful and lonesome and it is indeed a sacrifice because when it's all said and done, you've gone to sunday morning service, sunday night service, bible study on tuesday, talked to your very best girfriend, your moma, your man, and yourself, where the rubber meets the road, it is you and Jesus and no, we don't like it, it don't feel good, and I know my grammer is incorrect but it too is true. If these times are what God requires of us, I guess we may as well just keep on posting to this site and making it through sistas.
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    cesjkids

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    Keeping it real

    Post  cesjkids on Mon Apr 26, 2010 11:08 pm

    May I say Auntie G that you can get an AMEN, AMEN, and AMEN from me. Sometimes it feels that no one wants to admit that they sometimes feels some kinda way. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that have those periods where I'm just going through. I was having a conversation with my sister over the weekend and I was telling her that I was feeling some kinda way. What that means is that I am in a place where I am fighting, frustration, depression, anger and any other emotion that may arise. While I hold on to my faith and know that my Father God holds me in the palm of His hand, I live in a world where I cannot escape the tests and trials of life - remembering that's it's the tests and trials that come to make me strong. Anywhere, knowing that to be true does not negate the fact that the fight for my faith will continue day in and day out. Thank God for real people that are not afraid to share their honest feelings and experiences. Talk about a sacrifice, being true to yourself or to put it another way, telling yourself the truth is a great sacrifice to our flesh. Alot of times it hurts because we'd rather not admit the truth. Believing the lie keeps us in a place that we know is not safe but it's familiar. I'm so very grateful for Sista's Common Sense Corner - it's a place where I can share my heart and receive the same heartfelt words of advice, encouragement, and wisdom. I know that I must keep pressing forward because the fight cannot be fought looking backwards. Sista's keep on holding on and take just one day at a time.

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    Re: Sacrifices

    Post  Guest on Tue Jul 06, 2010 2:33 pm

    This one is going to be a little difficult, there’s so much that can be shared.
    Try to briefly share a sacrifice you chose to make and the results, good or bad.
    Sista’s need to hear both sides of the stories.

    I think that everyone at some point in their life has to make a sacifice or two.Its just the way life goes.Some are bigger then others and most of the time its upto you if you make it or not.
    So many times I hear "I gave everything up for you" or "I could of done so much if you hadent been here".A sacifice is your choice know one elses.
    I think it is wrong when a sacifice is made and the person constantly reminds you what they did for you.I dont mean in a conversation I mean when they do it to make you feel bad.Like it was a mistake and your folt it happened.Everything happens for a reason.
    I think if you look for the lessons in a sacifice you will find many.

    I am lucky because the sacifices I have made have never been massive or life changing.Well maybe a little but nothing that I havent grown from and thought oh am glad I did that.
    One being when I was able to go to dance or singing college I never went.When I was a teenager I found it very hard. So many people at that age are cruel and judgemental.So when I should have gone away I made a huge dission to stay home.I wanted to stop my brothers going through the same soul searching I did. I do sometimes think where would I be now but I do love them so much so it was worth it. I wanted to help them with their future. I just felt it was my place to.I wanted to keep them from harms way as they say.Thankfully it paid off.
    Maybe I should of left them to grow and learn from their own mistakes.Maybe I should of had more faith in God.But now I know I am able to start planning my future.I can let them go.
    I think the only other sacifice is some friends.I have lost touch with so many because I spend so much time helping my sister with my nephew.She is a single mum and it can be challenging.Now some people would see it that I am missing out on so much others would see the great lessons I am learning.So you see the choice is yours.
    If I had to go back I wouldent change it.My nephew helps me learn so much.Patience and love.Love being the best one of all.

    Is it really a sacifice if you want to do it.Is it not more a sacifice if you feel you have to or that it is right to.!!
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    Auntie G

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    Re: Sacrifices

    Post  Auntie G on Wed Jul 07, 2010 7:02 pm

    In response to Harmony, girl I hear you. I too have had some people bring up some so called sacrafices they have made that they now say are ones which have kept them from the things they "really" wanted to do. OR they say it as though they regret that they made them. I almost don't want to call them sacrafices because of the way these people now make them appear. In my opinion, a sacrafice is indeed a choice a person makes which is sometimes made willingly and sometimes it is forced so I guess depending on the circumstances, the person who had to make the sacrifice could indeed possibly regret having had been put in the position of having to make a choice. Does that make sense?
    Either way, just as the scenario says the results of a sacrafice can be good or bad so I guess that goes for the results for the person that the sacrifice is made for as well, the end result can be good or bad.

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