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    It Could Happen to You

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    two sisters
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    It Could Happen to You

    Post  two sisters on Sun Nov 01, 2009 4:16 pm

    You are at the mall alone, you pass through a group of several young women of another race and you hear a few of them calling you racial names. You immediately become bothered at the disrespect and ignorance but you realize you’re not just bothered, you are a bit fearful of the possibility of things getting out of hand if you respond.

    Question:

    Women of all races face the possibility of racial assault, what do you do in this position? How would you, or how have you handled this situation?
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    motherof1

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    keep it moving

    Post  motherof1 on Sat Nov 07, 2009 11:50 pm

    there are times when i want to set people straight. but if i where in this position i would just keep on moving don't look at them or make anything and most of all keep my comments to myself. the reason why is because it is not worth getting beat down or catchin a case over what someone said. You know it isn't true so don't worry yourself about there are a lot of people that just chose to stay ignorant and we can't help that. you just keep on moving know that you are the bigger person. remember there is a time talk and a time to keep your mouth shut. Cool

    Honey0429

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    Re: It Could Happen to You

    Post  Honey0429 on Tue Nov 10, 2009 9:44 pm

    I would just keep going.Saying something may make you feel good at that moment, but you will not change their mind by responding when you are upset. Infact you will only prove them right about their sterotype don't give anyone that satisfaction

    GOT SENSE

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    Re: It Could Happen to You

    Post  GOT SENSE on Wed Nov 11, 2009 7:33 pm

    When I read the situation for the first time, I thought of the many scenarios that might occur as the result of reacting to the ignorance of the women in this case. My first reaction was anger but then it changed to pity and sadness. The best I can do is pray for people like this...and I have to agree with Honey0429 and motherof1: the best reaction to such ignorance is NO REACTION AT ALL.
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    THIS IS MISS HILL

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    But for real though.....

    Post  THIS IS MISS HILL on Wed Nov 11, 2009 10:45 pm

    Ok, maybe it's just me, but I doubt it, when I imagine this situation, I think of hearing the word "nigger" now as I said, for me, that changes things from being just a matter of someone calling you out of your name or just an insult. Yes, the girls in the scenario are ignorant, and yes it would be the right thing to pray for them, and yes walking away would make you the bigger person, but come on ya'll, would you really?, could you really keep steppin' without saying anything at all? Responding indeed could mean things getting out of hand but as we've all been told, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it" so would I say something? most definately, I would, what would it be?, I don't know, but I know me, and Holy Ghost filled and all, I would say "something"...
    Now,if the assumption after reading my reply thus far is that what I would say to the girls would be something confrontational, or negative, you're wrong, situations like this one present an opprotunity for us to make a difference in a sista's life, I think it's only right that we take advantage of it.
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    cesjkids

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    How brave is brave

    Post  cesjkids on Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:29 pm

    Well, I know that I can handle confrontation when it arises, but would I attempt to confront this situation? I'm not so sure that I would attempt to handle this one. I know that there are alot of people that would love to take advantage of this situation be it negative or positive, but I more than likely would do like the sista stated earlier and keep it movin.'
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    YOUNGGIRL83

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    Re: It Could Happen to You

    Post  YOUNGGIRL83 on Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:38 pm

    I HAVE A MOUTH ON ME I WOULD HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING IS THAT GOOD OR NOT ?
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    THIS IS MISS HILL

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    For Younggirl83..

    Post  THIS IS MISS HILL on Mon Nov 16, 2009 8:31 pm

    Well Younggirl, I'll tell you like this, the word of God says the tounge is the most unruly part of the body, so think about it, I'm sure that as with me and everyone else, we have let our mouths get us in a few situations that we later regret, or as the saying goes... "Don't let your mouth write a check your a-- can't cash" Although I, in my response said that I would definately say something, it would not be without thought, so I guess what I'm saying is, having a mouth is not the problem, it's what, and how things come out of it...
    Speaking quickly or out of anger is not smart.
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    Marsha

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    Re: It Could Happen to You

    Post  Marsha on Sat Mar 06, 2010 3:47 pm

    I have been taught to respect people for who they are.
    That means even thoses people who are just ignorant. I clearly would keep it pushin' and ignore them. It's unfortunate that people just don't respect each other for who they are.
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    Sarah's Daughter

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    It Could Happen to You

    Post  Sarah's Daughter on Sat Mar 27, 2010 10:14 am

    two sisters wrote:You are at the mall alone, you pass through a group of several young women of another race and you hear a few of them calling you racial names. You immediately become bothered at the disrespect and ignorance but you realize you’re not just bothered, you are a bit fearful of the possibility of things getting out of hand if you respond.

    Question:

    Women of all races face the possibility of racial assault, what do you do in this position? How would you, or how have you handled this situation?


    Ignorance is bliss, and people are blinded by their own stupidity! Knowing that many act out in ways that are disgustingly contrary to my own behavior, I try desparately to ignore them, whenever possible. It never ceases to amaze me however, when confronted with this type of behavior, how stupid people can sometimes be. Typically, people will be enboldened to make racial comments and slurs when they are with their groups of friends. They seem to feed off the negative energy, and excitement of the moment. The best way to deal with idiots of this sort is to ignore them. Now, I have not always held this premise. I must be honest. Depending on the mood of the moment, and my frame of mind, I have been known to express my own opinions of them in response. Whether alone or not, I would give them a loooong look of disdain and one that said: "I dare you to say another word," before going on my way. Usually, this has been just enough to get them to realize that certain people should be left the hell alone!

    We have to realize that people have issues, seriously. They need others to validate their existence. They need attention, even if negative -- to make them feel important. If confronted with this situation -- the best way to handle it is to completely ignore them as if they don't even exist! To respond merely gives them the attention that they crave, while also adding to the excitement they obviously seek.
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    Auntie G

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    Sometimes it's easier said than done

    Post  Auntie G on Sat Mar 27, 2010 11:46 am

    The sista is right, ignorance is bliss....but!
    I have a real tender spot for racial issues and/or name calling. The long look is good but some of these young crazy kids now days will quickly ask you "what's up?" and what are you going to do then? To be fearful would be my real issue, I just can not picture myself being scared of group of youngsters!
    On the other hand, I have not been in this siuation and usually until you have lived out a situation, you really can't say what you will or will not do.
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    Sarah's Daughter

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    It Could Happen to You - Reply to Easier said than done

    Post  Sarah's Daughter on Sun Mar 28, 2010 6:35 pm

    Auntie G wrote:The sista is right, ignorance is bliss....but!
    I have a real tender spot for racial issues and/or name calling. The long look is good but some of these young crazy kids now days will quickly ask you "what's up?" and what are you going to do then? To be fearful would be my real issue, I just can not picture myself being scared of group of youngsters!
    On the other hand, I have not been in this siuation and usually until you have lived out a situation, you really can't say what you will or will not do.

    On another note, I was just thinking that in today's age of technology, many of us have camera phones, and can also video record many incidents as they take place. This would also be a good way to record the racial remarks, because if it escalates into something more, or something physically threatening -- sometimes these acts are considered to be hate crimes and will be prosecuted as such. If possible, one way to thwart this type of behavior is to point, and click! Many are stupid, but they don't really want to go to jail!

    If you really feel threatened, go immediately to the mall security and give a full report. In this way, if anything goes down you will already be on record as reporting it first.

    I know it does not seem likely that this would happen, but often it does. Many of our young people are out of control, on drugs, and looking for something to get into, both good and bad. The main thing is that the atmosphere is pretty toxic stemming from the violence that is perpetuated on t.v. and in music, and movies that are out today. They don't think about the repercussions of their actions, and are often not very rational thinking. They are just in the moment, and acting out because they are with a group of friends also acting out! Knowing this, it is wise to keep a level head, but like I said at first, this all depends on your mood at the moment, and what you may be going through. All I can say is, they betta catch me on a "good day!" afro
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    Sarah's Daughter

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    Reply to Youngirl83 - It Could Happen to You

    Post  Sarah's Daughter on Sun Mar 28, 2010 6:54 pm

    YOUNGGIRL83 wrote:I HAVE A MOUTH ON ME I WOULD HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING IS THAT GOOD OR NOT ?

    The scriptures admonish us to "be quick to hear, and slow to speak." This is an excellent tool for us as women in the world today. Many times we will hear someone say something that is offensive, and we will want to immediately respond "giving them a piece of our mind." Been there, done that. Yes -- it feels so good, to unload, and unleash a "right back atchoo" retort, so they don't feel like they are getting away. The flip side to this is that it takes two people to get a confrontation going. By responding, we engage, and then become participants in the confrontation. Sure, they started it first, but where does it end? By opening up the door in our response, we encourage the act to continue and to possibly escalate into something more. I have learned over the years to weigh it out carefully. I now pick and choose my battles. I try as best as I can not to engage in fights that are unworthy of my effort and energy. I believe it is sometimes very necessary to fight (with words, of course), but even words have their consequences. Fight the battles that are worthy of your time, and reflective of the person that you are. Just my thoughts.
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    mygram

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    So your mood sets the mood????

    Post  mygram on Sun Mar 28, 2010 9:38 pm

    I must be honest. Depending on the mood of the moment, and my frame of mind, I have been known to express my own opinions of them in response.
    The younggirl83 says:I HAVE A MOUTH ON ME I WOULD HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING IS THAT GOOD OR NOT ?
    She is then told:I have learned over the years to weigh it out carefully. I now pick and choose my battles. I try as best as I can not to engage in fights that are unworthy of my effort and energy.

    Ok, so what is it?, depending on ones mood they pay attention to the admonishment or what?
    To be honest, the sista athompson62 sounds a bit self righteous, sista....the comment you make regarding our young people being on drugs and out of control is a great assumption isn't it? a large portion of our youth are indeed on drugs and yes they are out of control but is that to say that any young person that would make a racial insult is drugged out? Maybe we should take a look at the disrespect and disregard simply being a part of the sign of the times and not give an excuse for the behavior.
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    jlee

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    Re: It Could Happen to You

    Post  jlee on Sun Mar 28, 2010 9:56 pm

    You know, I have to say that dealing with racial insults is hard to overlook. It bothers me and to know that it's made easier in a group makes it all the more painful. If I were dealing one on one with this same situation, I would definitely say something but in a group I would just have to try and ignore them.

    myjibril

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    Re: It Could Happen to You

    Post  myjibril on Mon Apr 26, 2010 8:08 pm

    two sisters wrote:You are at the mall alone, you pass through a group of several young women of another race and you hear a few of them calling you racial names. You immediately become bothered at the disrespect and ignorance but you realize you’re not just bothered, you are a bit fearful of the possibility of things getting out of hand if you respond.

    Question:

    Women of all races face the possibility of racial assault, what do you do in this position? How would you, or how have you handled this situation?

    What I have found takes people off guard when they are being hostile or offensive is if you laugh at them. I did not find that out on purpose, but I usually laugh at people like that and they don't like it. It's usually funny because they are really serious and when you laugh it takes everything out of it.

    But when I was younger, I would usually turn to the person and say "Your Mother".
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    Auntie G

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    I wish times were different

    Post  Auntie G on Wed Apr 28, 2010 6:39 pm

    It sure would be nice it we were still back in the day when we didn't even have to worry about this kind of thing happening to any of us. The truth however is that this is a real possibility and unfortunately laughing at someone today may just get you beat down for real you may end up being the one caught off guard. Honestly it's real easy to set up what we would or would not say or do when the situation is not in our faces. As I said about myself before, I know that I don't handle racial issues well so this would definately be a challenge for me, but hopefully some of us would think a bit more before we allowed ourselves to react.

    myjibril

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    Re: It Could Happen to You

    Post  myjibril on Wed Apr 28, 2010 8:00 pm

    Auntie G wrote:It sure would be nice it we were still back in the day when we didn't even have to worry about this kind of thing happening to any of us. The truth however is that this is a real possibility and unfortunately laughing at someone today may just get you beat down for real you may end up being the one caught off guard. Honestly it's real easy to set up what we would or would not say or do when the situation is not in our faces. As I said about myself before, I know that I don't handle racial issues well so this would definately be a challenge for me, but hopefully some of us would think a bit more before we allowed ourselves to react.

    My first question is, back in what day "we didn't even have to worry about this kind of thing happening to any of us"? That must have been in the Garden of Eden.

    The fact of the matter is that both of those incidents happen to me more than once where I laughed and said your mother and was never afraid, intimidated or even considered being get the beat down.

    Are you from a State in the South?
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    CassandraDesiree<3

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    My response to Younggirl83 and what I would do

    Post  CassandraDesiree<3 on Sat Jul 03, 2010 1:47 am

    YOUNGGIRL83 wrote:I HAVE A MOUTH ON ME I WOULD HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING IS THAT GOOD OR NOT ?

    It all depends on what you say and how it is said. You always have the right to speak up and to speak your mind, however saying something back in anger is not the thing to do. That way they know they won and they got under your skin, and that will keep them with the same thoughts and ideas about your race, size, style, religion, or whatever they are criticizing. If you must say something try to say something to help change their mind, or find out why they said what was said, and end it with a non nonchalant attitude as if their ignorance did not anger you! Being witty and smart will grab their attention more than words of anger. That is something my momma told me and I believe it to be true.
    I have been called racist names before in school and I usually let it go and never responded, however being a plus size I have received many more insults about my weight, and had to deal that a lot more. I am never fearful of the people who say those things however I am fearful that anger will get the best of me. So I take a quick second to think over what I would say, and if it comes from an evil place, I keep walking, but if I know that I might have the chance to change how that person looks at plus size people I do my best to convey that to them. I ask why they said what was said, and who made it that they were to judge me? Of course I usually get a nasty response and I leave with a good note letting them know that in Gods eyes I am PERFECT as I am and they are mot my makers nor will they break me or my spirit. Leting them know that they didn't hurt you is the best way to "get back at them" if you will.
    It has taking me a lot of growing up to realize this, and yes in my youth it hurt and I never defended myself. I would just pray that I would be left alone and that those that hurt me would have a change of heart.
    So to conclude it is okay to say something, just try to say something that will help them see the error of their ways, and if you don't think you can, then just walk way and pray for them! -- Holla silent

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